Time to pick up my ‘Big Girl Panties.’

Did you ever see a celebrity you love write a letter to their younger self and feel empowered to do the same? I have. I’ve wanted to go back and tell the 13 year old version of myself to calm TF down, stop being such a sheep and just learn who you are. Tell her to not start drinking at 16 just coz everyone else is, stop looking for validation from the wrong people and embrace all your inner weirdness. When I found this pic I thought about doing it.

Deep diving into who I was. But I realised I spend every.single.day (not an exaggeration) wishing I could go back and change something about “old Courts” (if you listen to @wilkoandcourts you’ve probably heard her get mentioned.) So many parts of my history I would rewrite. So many. How I looked, how I acted, how I felt. In fact at 13 I was probably more my true self than I was from 16 to my early 20s when I was trying too hard. It’s like I went in a full circle to meet myself again.

See if I write the letter to tell my former self “it’s all good, it feels hard right now but it does for every teen” then it’s just words-on-a-screen. I can’t go back. I can’t change anything. As much as I’d love to, I can’t. All I could do is tell 13 year old me, that even at 30, you’re going to struggle with acceptance of your decisions over your life. And that is normal for so many people. So, to 30 year old me: your greatest joys may not have existed if you’d done even one thing differently; your husband, your babies, your dog, your job, your home.

If even one storyline were to have changed in your narrative, where would you be? Because if it’s not writing this post at 6am with Chandler by your feet, Goldie cradled next to you, waiting for Betty to wake up, then is it worth wishing you could go back and change it? Or is it time to put your big girl panties on and accept you’re not the only young person who made some stupid decisions? (Oh but I do want to tell 13 year old me YOUR HAIR IS AMAZING EMBRACE THAT RED HAIR STOP ASKING YOUR MUM TO DYE IT.)

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Responses

  1. I get it. Sliding door moments that we think “what if….”
    At 56 I wish I could go back and tell that young girl that she wasn’t fat her sister was jealous cause you were a better dancer and athlete and she called you fat to make herself feel better.
    I wish I had stood up for myself. I wouldn’t change life and I would have still married my man. We started dating at 17 so still together.
    I am too old now to want to really go back. My older 2 have left home and Miss 15 is our only child still at home. Life is playing out just like it should.
    And your hair is still awesome.

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